Famous Last Words
by The Konfessionist
Summary: The last thoughts of James as he dies before his only child- and he realizes that the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her, but he managed to do so anyways… *one-shot, depressing themes and death of an AMAZING character*


**Author's Notes: SOOOO... I played Fallout 3 for like, the 10th time, and I STILL get choked up whenever I James sacrifice himself for his child D: and it pissed me OFF when I found out that Colonel Autumn survived in my first playthrough. When I found out _how_ he survived, course I busted a cap in his ass =3= THERE IS NO MAGICAL POTION THAT WILL PROTECT YOU FROM MY COMBAT SHOTGUN!**

**-coughs awkwardly, recollects myself- _Anywhoooo~_ I wondered what James would have been thinking if something like that ACTUALLY happened! So here it is :D I think it came out kinda intense... But I guess that's for you guys to decide!**

**I actually listened to the song Restless by Within Temptation, and it sort of gave me the inspiration for most of what you see her! The lyrics for it are appropriate... And I couldn't help but feel so depressingly _empty_ whilst writing this! (I think the song gave it that sort of atmosphere...) Anyways, give it a try while you're reading this! Or don't... It's your call xD**

**Happy reading, happy writing! (reviews are appreciated, _constructive_ reviews are a freakin' miracle people!)**

**~Konfessionist out!~**

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><p>I never wanted to see you cry...<p>

I never wanted to see you so upset- pounding on the glass that resided between us as I had my final stand.

I _never_ wanted to see you so confused and disappointed in me...

But I did this for you. I did this for your mother, and I saw her every time I looked into your eyes, my darling... You are a grown woman now. I told myself that so _many_ times as I discussed with Jonas the means of my escape from Vault 101. Maybe I could only see you on the outside- maybe I didn't see the little girl that was still inside of you, screaming and crying for her daddy to stay... But I see her now. I see her screaming at me, tears streaking through the dirt that covers her angelic face.

Oh, sweetie- I never wanted to see you covered in the grime of this awful place, living a life with a day-to-day basis of pure suffering... I wanted you to stay in _there!_ Where it was _safe._ But, hearing all those wonderful broadcasts about you over Galaxy News Radio, I must admit... It kept me going strong. The image of your smiling face kept me going, and before I found out that you had escaped like me, the thought of you being _safe_ kept me going when resurrecting Project Purity didn't seem to be enough. I sometimes found myself wondering if I could do this all on my own, even when I had Madison and her team. I needed Catherine, I needed your _mother_ here with me; but maybe _you_ were just what I needed.

Colonel Autumn falls at my side as I stumble from another blast of radiation howling at my back as if I were an old man, ricocheting throughout the Rotunda and I slam into the glass that keep us away from each other. I see you stumble as well, falling into Madison for support before turning back to your shield of safety and continue pounding on it as hard as you are able, and crying even harder still.

You fall to your knees as I do with my body absorbing the radiation like an unfortunate mass, and Madison looks so stunned. She has the same look on her face as when I arrived in Rivet City seeking her help- but this, no, she isn't relieved. She's terrified… You're _both_ terrified. I press my hand to the glass- _ to you-_ with my breath barely above a hoarse whisper, and I know that only _you_ can hear me. I beg of you to run… I beg of you to protect yourself, and Madison, but you know that's only part of what I want. You can see it screaming in my eyes, don't you sweetheart? _Don't let your mother's dream die. Don't let __**our**__ dream die…_

My vision begins to blur and my body quivers with an insatiable ache, clustering in the joints of my bones as my hand slides away from the glass door, fingertips trailing down its smooth surface. I wretch the contents of whatever remains in my stomach, and I can still hear you screaming... _"It should have been me!"_ I do not understand what you are saying. Quite frankly, my darling, something tells me that I do not want to know.

Tears stream from your eyes- your _mother's _eyes- as the blisters break out on my skin like a festering disease, and only now do I hear the Geiger Counter trying to screech above your yells, desperately trying to get my attention. What good will it do? The radiation must be strong, because I can see the evidence in your Geiger Counter as well. But you are safer out there than I am in here.

I wished we talked more on our trip back from vault 112. I regret hushing you so much because I needed to get back to Madison in my haste. The way you held your head so proudly as you escorted us to our old science lab was so familiar to me, and I suppose that I needed something a little more _real_ than Three Dog's broadcasts. I needed something a little more _you._ I got it, and for some reason, I couldn't face it. I asked you for help, clearing out the Memorial, darting back and forth throughout the floors, repairing what needed fixing. How your face lit up when you found some of my old project journals, and how your lips broke out into that grin when you found a holotape of your mother's voice. You laughed upon its saucy contents, but I think it was more so of my slight embarrassment. That's when you asked me about her… and I was more than happy to tell you.

Our love was something beautiful, creating the happy moment of your birth, then the tragedy of her death that led us back to the circle Project Purity paved for us… Losing her was the worst thing that I've ever had to endure, and it numbed the loss of Project Purity by tenfold. Even though it was horrible, I still talked about it, and I understood why you asked me to repeat ever detail despite its cruelty. Because I was talking about your mother- and I could see that you miss her just as much as I do.

I can feel the blisters overcoming me, my stomach empty and I can feel my body focusing on other things to remind me that I was dying. But worst of all, _I was dying in front of you…_ and I can't help but feel like I'm forcing you to watch this. Why haven't you left yet? Why haven't you escaped and left me?

I fall to my side, and I can feel the agonizing darkness creeping up on me with a cold, skeletal hand grazing my shoulder. I see Madison grab your hand and drag you down the stairs as you scream at her, cursing and spitting-livid that she was forcing you away from me… She simply tells you that you have to keep her and her team safe. Please, listen to her, sweetheart… You give me one last, side-long glance over your shoulder as if you heard my inner pleas, as if hoping that I will stir. But you see nothing, and with more plump tears rolling on your eyelids, they waterfall down the clean tracks of your cheeks, and you disappear from my sight as you run from the Rotunda after her.

Darling…

I never wanted to see you cry.

I never wanted to see you so upset- retreating with last words exchanged like this.

I _never_ wanted to see you so confused and disappointed in my motives for leaving... and I hope you know that even though I left, I didn't really say goodbye. Not until now... Not until the final end.

But as my vision begins to blur and flare, I see a tinge of movement as Colonel Autumn rises from the floor with an empty syringe discarded where he had once lay, _rising_ up like a sly phoenix from the ashes of Project Purity that laid prey to the sharp talons of the Enclave.

I pray that I am not the only one who knows that this is _far_ from over… and I hope that wherever you are, _out there,_ you are happy and safe.

Because all I wanted was to be a good father.


End file.
